Monday, January 12, 2009

The Arboreal Zodiac, part one

Friends, I have been remiss, and there is much catching up to do. For now is the time to relate to you the byzantine intricacies of Ann Arbor's own personal zodiacal calendar, the Arboreal Zodiac. Unlike other antiquated and let's-face-it-downright-lazy attempts at assigning astrological significance to years, as in the case of Ancient China, or months, as in the case of Ancient Greece, Present-Day Ann Arbor Michigan has Three-Hundred and Sixty-Five separate zodiacal categories! Now, because every time-wasting Internet Blog has to have a theme, and in order to drive up readership into what I'm sure will be a hurricane of interest, I shall be parsing these out on a weekly basis.

Now, of course, each date, as with any zodiacal calendar, comes with special astrological significance. A child born on January 11th, for example, The Day of the Out-of-Town Michigan Fan, will spend an inordinate amount of his or her life in traffic jams. Sorry. Can't do nuthin' about it. That's fate. Whereas a child born on June 16th, under the sign of People Who Own Small Dogs, will be blessed the small yappy noises of good fortune all the days of his or her life. If you have questions regarding what each of these portends for your child or would like to schedule a reading, please contact my secretary.

Now, to get us caught up:

1/1) The Day of It Being 103 Years 'till it's 2112.
1/2) The Day of the Fratboy.
1/3) The Day of the Ugg Boot.
1/4) The Day of the Parking Ticket.
1/5) The Day of the Great Indie Band Nobody's Heard Of, This Time I'm Serious.
1/6) The Day of the Hot Woman Who Works at the Comic Shop But is Totally Married.
1/7) The Day of the Prius
1/8) The Day of the Salt Deposits on the Road
1/9) The Day of the Flautists
1/10) The Day of the Really Tall Piles of Snow.
1/11) The Day of the Out-of-Town Michigan Fan.
1/12) The Day of the Arbor Brewing Company.
1/13) The Day of Shilling.
1/14) The Day of the Blogger

There you have it, the first two weeks of 2009, the Year of Dissertation, and January, the Month of Sundaes. Updates to follow.

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